There’s not enough booze on any continent to make this movie watchable.

Shot: Agent 32, the spy the bad guys mistake Ernest for. I think. Look, I don’t know what the hell was going on in this movie!

• Add a dash of absinthe to a shot glass and swirl it around so it coats the glass. Add 1oz Luxardo maraschino liqueur, which is 32% alcohol by volume. Get it– A-32. Honestly, it’s amazing we even bothered trying that hard with this turd of a flick.

Cocktail: Wanna Waffle, the diner where Rene, our adventure-seeking heroine, works. Be careful what you wish for. Speaking of which, I wouldn’t wish this movie on my worst enemy.

• In an Irish Coffee mug, add 2oz bourbon and 1/2oz maple syrup. Fill with hot water. Add a pat of butter and dust with cinnamon. Perfect for those chilly African afternoons.

In case you’ve missed my subtle hints scattered throughout this post, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! Luckily you can just listen to what WE had to go through, as well as our thoughts on the drinks, a draft of favorite cereals, and much more, all on our Ernest Goes to Africa episode!